【Description】
Brief Introduction to Happiness Starts With Gratitude
Here, unhappy couples were in a tearful embrace. Here, estranged parents and children opened their hearts to each other. Here, afflicted people became suddenly clear-headed and open-hearted.
What is the key to positive personal conduct? Why are so many people touched deeply? How can we achieve lasting happiness? Let’s listen to Meditation Master JinBodhi fully expounded happiness and guided us to embark on a journey to a beautiful, auspicious life.
【You will learn】
- The main principles of Energy Bagua
- Thephysical harm caused by stress
- Ways to stay relaxed physically, mentally and spiritually
- The concept of living at ease
【Featured aphorisms】
- Nervousness causes energy blockages in the body.
- Negative emotions can cause a variety of illnesses.
- To be truly relaxed is to be mentally relaxed.
- Only by understanding the patterns in life can we let go of our obsessions.
【Content】
Each family has their own troubles. How does Buddhadharma relatetodaily life? InSeptember 2014,Master JinBodhiaddressedthis topic in a public teaching.
A disciple wrote me a thank-you letter about chanting for her parents. She had wanted her parents to get along. Why did they fight? Her 92-year-old father had trouble walking and needed care. Her mother was 88. She could barely look after herself, let alone her husband. At their wit’s end, a foreign maid is hired to look after the father.
Before they hired help, the wife complained, “Who can take care of you? You rely on me, but I cannot even help myself. Why cannot you walk now? You cursed me when we were young.”Anyway she cursed her husband a lot. Finally, they hired a maid. This female maid was not attractive. However, after the maid arrived, the mother had trouble sleeping. She followed the maid and her husband, wanting to know what they were up to. When the father needed help to use the bathroom or go to the kitchen to eat, he wouldn’t dare ask. Whenever he did, the mother would be angry and jealous, “You old fool!”
He almost couldn’t speak clearly. Then he shouted back clearly. The fighting continued non stop. No way out for him. He was unable to escape or kill himself. What to do? Life was torture. He was suffering because of his wife. The wife’s greatest enemy was the maid. The maid did not understand a thing. “What’s going on here?” she wondered, “I would rather love my grandpa than this old man.” It was tough.
Thedaughtercouldnotstoptheirfighting.Whenafightwasout of control, they would call her. She would listen to their fighting. So she came to practice. Miracles arose. Chanting for parents was wonderful. After the seven-day chanting class, the couple didn’t fight foramonth. The effectlastedforamonth.Thedaughter’swishcame true. She prayed to the Buddha to help her parents, not for their longevity, but for harmony. It worked. Try it.
Every family has its own problems and afflictions. The more you think about them, themoreupset youare. If you let them go, you are not afflicted. All of you, if you were home today, you might be fighting with someone; you might be unhappy with someone. But are you upset here at the center? (No!) Normally, you aren’t. No one fights with you here. For most, no one here is related to you. But some came with their family. Even though they dislike each other, they still sit together. That’s problematic. It is better that family members sit apart. Why? Their magnetic fields affect each other. Whatever trick one plays, the other knows it. So, don’t sit together. Sit a dozen people apart. It is good for your health. With similar magnetic fields, two people easily get sick. Sleeping in the same bed, an old couple may get sick; even their looks become similar. So does their personality, way of walking, and even manner of arguing. They finish each other’s sentences. They even get the same illness. They are in the same negative field.
So,afterbeing married for awhile,I suggest that couples sleep in separate beds, then in different rooms. For people married over 30 years, I suggest they live in separate houses. It depends if you have multiple houses. If you don’t, just make do. One sleeps in the bed, the other on the floor. That is actually good for your health. If you live in the same room with the window closed, you breathe in the same air and each other’s germs too, right? You even think the same way. You two affect each other. So, you both have the same thinking, temperament, and illness, which is unhealthy. This is because of alack of fresh nutrients and new energetic fields.
So, to all the old couples, a suggestion: add a third element to your house. What element? Say, add a tree or a few pebbles. They serve to change the field. Just a suggestion. It is just a tree, not a person. It will not argue with you. Also, the couple will not object. If you get a third person in your house, it would be a big trouble, right? Many old couples seem to be reincarnated enemies, like historic figures Yue Fei and Qin Hui. In a past life, you framed each other; your debts were not cleared, so you two got together to payback the debt. You are married and cannot just run away. So, you continue fighting. In past lives, knives and swords were used. Now, words. They want to cause pain but not death forfearthey would lose the other one and have no one to fight with. Then, they stay together and fight.
What causes this? They don’t know how to behave and cherish the blessing. Think about it. If someone hurt your partner, would you protect and save your partner? If you would, then why do you fight? Those who are not Buddhists or wise tend to hurt their loved ones most. Your closest ones shouldn’t be your enemies. If fighting becomes a habit, when parents or a couple are at odds, people say that they are reincarnated enemies. Actually, they are not; they are reincarnated lovers and benefactors that stay together. But they don’t know to cherish this. No gratitude forthe other’s kindness. Instead, they say abusive words, find fault, and rub old wounds. They get together for love, but it becomes hatred because of love. How much hurt does this cause? Between couples in a 30-year marriage, even a three-year one,is there gratitude? If yes, why fight? They don’t know how to cherish each other. You want to curse the other to death? If so, you had better get a divorce. You don’t cherish. You delight in hurting each other. When you fight, does it hurt your parents and your children? If yes, do you still have a bit of compassion and compassion as a parent? To create a healthy home for children, do you still feel fine about fighting? From your fighting, what do your children learn? First, helplessness. Second, to avoid their parents. Third, mental illness. Fourth,to not to want to get married. There are examples in daily life. You come here to learn Buddha dharma, regardless of your age and education, before our compassionate Buddha, you are still an ignorant child. The first thing we learn inBuddhadharma is gratitude.
Once I taught a young audience. They all wanted to find love and get married. A 20-year-old girl said that she wanted to have three children. Well, are you mentally prepared and qualified to become a parent? Yes, physically you’re capable, but do you know how to educate them? Do you know about empathy, tolerance, and respect? Will you stick to your love no matter what? If no,you shouldn’t marry, let alone have children because you still behave like a child. Perhaps you are 65 years old. If you don’t know how to love your spouse, how can you love others? If your behavior hurts the whole family, how do you know how to help others? For young adults looking for a spouse, don’t focus on appearance. Character is most important. Character is upbringing. A Buddhist knows compassion and tolerance. Such a person is suitable for marriage. Many educated people, however high their education is, live like stubborn fools. They attack their family with so-called science. Such people are useless in life, less fun than a TV, which at least brings some joy. Thus, if we want to love and have beauty in our lives, to be loved and love others, we must have a compassionate heart. Only then can we obtain love and leave a lasting legacy. One day when we pass away, others will grieve our passing and recall us fondly or even when we’re still alive, people near and far feel touched when thinking of us and our kindness. Conversely, “My spouse always cursed me, hurt me again and again. He never remembered my kindness.” If we, as outsiders, talk to the spouses separately, they still recall each other’s kindness. But once facing each other, they fight. Why? Because they don’t know how to behave. So, we must learn to be grateful. Be more tolerant, loving, and less sarcastic. Think more of the other’s kindness.
Buddhadharma Learning
-Starts from Thinking More of Others’ Kindness Instead of Bad Aspects
We reap what we sow. When you give love, you get love. If you give compassion,you will receive care and love of others. If you hurt others, you will get hurt. It is as simple as that. But many don’t understand that. Some 90-year-olds still fight. It is because they don’t tolerate others. If fighting becomes a habit, what if your child takes up murder as a habit? If you don’t curb your bad behavior,but make it a habit you are proud of, then it is rather shameless. The damage done to kids would continue. Your kids are tormented continuously, this twists their mind. To learn Buddhadharma, start with compassion and gratitude. Think about this.
If you are married, I hope you all think about this; think about your partner, their kindness. If you are not married, can you think of a teacher or friend who was kind to you? There must be someone, right? Couples, whethertogether or already divorced, can you think of the other’s kindness? Raise your hand if you can. If you can, but cannot help fighting,raise your hand please, be honest. Don’t be timid; you were not when fighting. Good. Now for unmarried ones, but with a kind teacher or friend, please raise your hand. Pray for their health, happiness, auspiciousness, and long life. When we are with those closest to us, be it our colleagues, partners, friends, teachers, or students, and when we are unhappy or angry, if we always keep unpleasant and sad things in our mind and raise issues again and again, then we are perpetuating the hurt. Do it once, hurt once. Do it again, hurt again. If the hurt is already very deep, and you raise it again, it could lead to divorce.If you raise the issue ten times a year, that’s like divorce ten times over. If 50 times, then divorce 50 times over. With this immense pain, how can you and your partner be happy? You magnify the hurt indefinitely. If you two are not divorced, you are lucky.
I don’t know how one could stay in this kind of relationship, or wants to stay in such a marriage;they must not want to lose you. Even though they are living in pain, they are still standing by you. Not being grateful is the greatest sin. Because we make ourselves suffer; we make others, our children and our aged parents, suffer. It isn’t just spouses who feel pain, but the whole family, your relatives and friends included. No one talks to you about it; no one dares. Everyone is living in fear and pain. So, I want to remind everyone: do not rub old wounds. One is hurt when you rub; we suffer when we are hurt. So on and so forth. Some hurts cause awful pain like dying. Why do we do this again and again? We learn Buddha dharma so as to forget the hurt, once and for all, and remember the kindness again and again. Even though you hurt me in the past, if once you were kind to me and then you were hurt by someone, or you had a car accident, I would take care of you. Even if you were too heavy for me, I would still carry you to the hospital,which would be exhausting. But if I save your life, I would feel
joyful.Yes,think this way. You will be grateful and happy every time; you recall their kindness. Life, like that, is then full of happiness and gratitude, even though your life is hard.
Learning Buddhadharma is learning to be grateful. We must give up vengeance. With a heart of compassion, we will recall the kindness we have received, forget the harm done to me, even if we have to struggle to forget.That is true gratitude. That shows we know how to live. Just like when you are looking at someone, if you always find flaws on their face, will they be happy? A disciple met me again after some years. “Master,” he said and began crying nonstop as if his mother had justdied.
“Please stop. What’s wrong?”
“Master, how come you look so old now?”
I did not want to say anything bad, “Thank you,I am not that old.” “You aged a lot more than me.”
Once, a disciple in Guangzhou, China said, “Master, you’re very handsome. With double eyelids (Chinese standard for being more beautiful), you’d be more handsome.” I was young then, and I said, “It seems you ask to be beaten.” That sort of comment is hurtful. Of course,it didn’t bother me. I can take anything. Looks don’t affect my self-esteem. I don’t care about how I look. But others are easily hurt. Don’t keep uttering hurtful words. Those who don’t know how to speak nicely exist everywhere. It is because their mind and heart are closed to the outside world. There’s no gratitude in their heart. Usually they live in a hurtful environment. Whole families are like that. They always say hurtfulwords. I paid a visitto this disciple’s family to see how they live.When I arrived, they were having dinner. Her mother didn’t know me, butrecognized me from a photo.She said, “This is your Master, right? Master, would you eat with us?” I couldn’t say yes as it was my first visit. I didn’t want to trouble them.So I said, “I have eaten, you just goahead.” Actually, I had not had my dinner. At last, her mother filled a bowl of rice, and she slammed it down before me. “Eat, otherwise it’ll spoil!” So I played along. “What if it spoils?” She said, “I’ll feed the pigs before it does.” I found it really funny the way she said it. “OK, I’ll eat it to save bothering the pigs.” Later, I found that she was very kind. But how come she talked that way? Because that’show her parents spoke. Her parent sargued while living. In the old days, bellows were used to help with cooking. The father would work the bellows while the mother stirred the pot of rice. The two worked in tandem like that, but they would argue the whole time. That’s why their child spoke harshly. The third generation inherited it. Her daughter spoke harshly too. She said, “Master, you’re handsome, but you’d look better with double eyelids.” Later, I played along and asked, “You like me or Andy Lau (an actor)?”
“For good looks, I like Andy Lau,” and she thumped it infront of me, “for good heart, I like you.”
“You can only pick one. Which one? “
She really didn’t know how to say it best. Finally, she said, “Master, don’t make me. If you insist, I would pick Andy Lau.” I told her that I was just kidding. “Ok, you can keep liking us both.”
So, don’t say anything hurtful. Even if others do something wrong, which bothers you, don’t obsess about it. Sometimes you get hurt badly. But why let it bother you constantly? Because you are narrow-minded or an ignoble person. A magnanimous, noble person always thinks well of others. Perhaps I had been hurt by another person, but he had also been kind tome, so I would be very grateful for his kindness, and be kind to him and help him.
No negative words or opening old wounds. This is especially important for couples. Once married, couples have no restraint. Dirty tricks and harsh words, they dish them out to each other, despite being in love with each other, so let’s focus on others’ kindness and forget about the negativity.That is the heart Buddhists cultivate.
Treat People with Compassion like the Buddha
With compassion, think and observe people around you. You will find that everyone is good.Everyone is good and kind. No one here would say, “I was born a bandit.” There are differences among bandits. Many are good bandits. Also, many petty thieves have merits. Many bad people have some mercy. Here is a story from a Buddhist sutra. Buddha was sitting on a pure lotus flower. There was a spiderin the lotus flower. It crawled onto the Buddha’s fingers. Suddenly, the spider began to descend. Hanging on to his thin silk, he went all the way down, deep down. Actually, beneath the lotus flower was the worst hell, the so-called 18th-level of hell. There must have been some reason why the spider went down there. Thus, the Buddha kept on observing.
In the 18th-level of hell, there was no day light. Food was fire or molten steel.How could one eat that? They were forever deprived of daylight. The pain and suffering was endless. They were doomed forever. So, the spider went down; there must have been an important reason. The tiny silk before the Buddha was a lifesaving rope in hell, just like the cables that pull in a ship. A life saving rope,a passage to safety. This rope sent from the Buddha’s deepest compassion gave the sinners an opportunity.Thus, the spider sent down the life saving rope.
The sinners suffered great pain in hell. Someone suddenly saw this cable. “Wow, it’s a rope from Heaven!” So, they started to fight fortherope.The one on top was strong and could climb very quickly. As he got higher, he kicked down the rest, so all those below him fell back into hell. Seeing this,the Buddha was in tears,for he gave them each the opportunity. Just climbing up, everyone could follow. But the evil one climbing up thought if all were on the rope, it would break. He thought if he kicked them, he would be free. Thus, he did exactly that, which made the Buddha weep. The rope broke; they kept suffering.
After I read this story, I prayed to the Buddha. “Could you try againto see if any sinnerhas any compassion?” This time, a sinner spotted the rope; he had seen one many lives ago.The sinners had waited for it for thousands of years. This opportunity of a rope had been watched for day in and day out. When the spider silk went down, he jumped up to it quickly and kept climbing. Many followed him. The Buddha saw that all were up and safe, and made them pure again. About 100 were saved. This time, why didn’t the first sinner kick the others down? He just climbed up. What is the cause of this? The Buddha told me, “In one life, I was living as a merchant to show the Way to others in that life. One day, I was with my colleagues, and we were going through a forest. A group of bandits appeared. The leader and his followers killed all of our group except me, as I was covered by a corpse. I was wounded. I fell to the ground because they broke my legs. Another one was killed and fellon me.The bandits feared any survivor to tell on them,so they stabbed the dead. The band it leader came over to me.“The one under, I won’t stab again, be he dead or alive. I won’t stab him.”You see, even the worst killer still showed a bit of mercy at that moment. He was not totally ruthless, so he was given the opportunity to escape the 18th-level of hell. Thus,he felt the Buddha’s compassion. Let’s learn from him. He still had compassion for some one who caused him great harm and pain because of his bit of compassion. TheBuddha saved him from the worst hell.
Gratitude Brings Happiness and Peace
All of us, teachers and students, classmates, relatives, couples, brothers, and sisters, don’t we have gratitude for each other? Often remember others’ kindness. Buddhists should do so. If we are grateful for others’ kindness, we will feel happy and peaceful. If you don’t think this way,but only remember others’bad behavior, howcan you live in peace? You would be uptight, fuming, and full of rage. Isn’t that making yourself sick? Isn’t that like wanting to kill yourself? We know that anger causes illness. How many fall into a coma after rage or get cancer from deep anger? Only with compassion and tolerance and thinking of others’ kindness, can we have peace and tranquility and bring others peace.
Our Chinese ancestors say: Repay a drop of kindness with a well of it. Often we don’t do that. Instead of repaying kindness, we often look for their faults. We recall their kindness, not their ill will. With compassion and favor to repay, we turn war to peace and enemy to friend. Only then can we obtain friendship, happiness, and love. Our relationships willbe harmonious, happy, and peaceful. Many hurts affect not only us, but also the whole family. From a perspective of time and space, the hurt could last long, perhaps 300 years.
I hope you know that the most precious gift for your children is not money, but a compassionate and forgiving heart and the courage to face life afflictions. That’s immense wealth for children. Then, their lives will be filled with success. They will have greater energy, motivation, and wisdom to face life’s afflictions and setbacks. Thus, having gratitude is the start of our practice. If you understand this, if you think this is right, if the ones you often fight with are here in this class, can you give them a genuine hug? Thank them for their tolerance, forgiveness, and love. From the bottom of your heart, say, “Thank you for your forgiveness.” Look into their eyes. A mutually respectful couple brings comfort to their parents and joy to their children and sweet joy to themselves. That is why I revere and am grateful to our great Buddha. His wisdom is indeed infinite. He said that our fate is determined by our actions. We make our own happiness, afflictions, and even opponents. That is, we make our own enemies and our tragedies too. We even make others’ tragedies our own. We make ourselves the heroes or heroines. All the beauty in life, or ugliness, poverty, or wealth is created by us. It is just that we have little opportunity to learn Buddhadharma and waste our time.
Buddhadharma is a Way of Life – More Giving and Gratitude Equals Happiness and Serenity
Many years ago, I told people that Buddhadharma is first and foremost away of life.Many people do not understand this. It is true. We want a quality of life.You can live whatever way, good or bad. The purpose of learning Buddhadharma is to achieve a perfect life and become the best, most auspicious, and compassionate being, who brings joy to others. That is the true purpose. If you still don’t understand, let me tell you that Buddhadharma was created to free all beings from suffering and gain happiness. This is what Sakyamuni Buddha said. If not knowing how to behave, can we be happy? If we fight daily, can we be happy? If you don’t do many good deeds, and don’t speak nicely, can your family be happy? If you don’t know how to respect others, can you be happy? As a daughter-in-law, if you don’t respect your husband’s parents, can you be happy? As a son-in-law, if you don’trespect your wife’s parents, can you be happy? Wouldn’t your wife seek revenge? So, we must learn to be respectful. How? Have gratitude, be grateful to others.Once you have gratitude, you will have respect. Respect equals happiness. You must care about others’ feelings, this shows your gratitude, compassion, and cultivation.
In a civilized, cultivated environment, one never fights to serve oneself first.Those quick to grab fortheirhappiness are the lowest. The one who fought to be first on the bus is not cultivated at all. A truly cultivated person looks after others’ needs first, like a bodhisattva.
In the story where I talked with the Buddha, the last person up the rope was the one who assisted everyone before him. The last one from the 18th -level of hell, the Buddha said, was Earth Store Bodhisattva, sent by him to help others. In a realm of suffering and darkness, the one who frees others from suffering, sacrifices himself and perhaps will stay in hell forever, is truly a Buddha. Thus, Bodhi disciples strive to be the Earth Store Bodhisattva. That’s truly great and inspiring.
From now on, if your mind melds with this teaching, if you understand my words, from now on, illness is leaving you automatically. (Got it!) Some illness will disappear instantly. And many people, after acquiring such high energy, will not need to eat for the next few days. (Got it.) Let’s taste heavenly delicacies, without touching earthly food.Since we were born, we have never stopped eating. We feel hungry if we skip a meal. Let’s experience: for three, five, ten days, or even a month, we will stop eating regular food. Let’s experience wonderful feelings – the lightness, joy, serenity, and purity after clearing impurity. We are light,floating,yet we are still energetic and strong, without feeling hungry.
But I want to remind those who are taking medication or just went through chemotherapy, and those whose doctors advised against fasting, don’t fast. Eat less, but don’t fast. Remember, safety first. Those people must not fast. Because those taking medication or who have just taken chemotherapy are in a weakened physical state. Their energy is depleted, so they must eat regular food. If you have doubt in your mind, just eat as usual. If during fasting you feel hungry, just resume eating. Flow naturally.
After the fasting has ended, when you resume eating again, drink water, then eat broth or soup before starting solid food. And during the first three post-fast days, don’t eat a full meal. Gradually get back to your usual diet. Fasting has emptied your stomach, eliminated toxins, and emptied your intestines. If you suddenly eat a few pieces of bread, steamed buns, or pita bread, and drink water, you would bloat and die. During famines, if beggars ate three dry buns in a row, their stomach and intestines burst. After fasting, the stomach is empty. So be careful when resuming eating. Start with liquid – water, broth, and porridge. Liquids are easier to digest.
Buddhists should know to offer and give. That’s to practice giving. Don’t take or obtain. Give and take are opposites. We should take care of others first, not ourselves. Know to give, offer, contribute, and demand less for ourselves. The more we give, the more we receive. Only when we truly appreciate others, can we live a happier life. That’s the start of learning Buddhadharma. I wish that everyone remain in this auspicious state. A wonderful journey of Buddhist practice is waiting for us.