【Description】
Emotional stability is one of the essential qualities of a mature person. However, is an even temperament innate or cultivated? Is there any way for hot-tempered people to control their emotions and refrain from criticizing others?
Controlling emotions is never about simply suppressing and forbearing. There are methods that help people achieve emotional mastery. Grandmaster JinBodhi analyzes the two main reasons for angry outbursts and puts forward a refreshing point of view. He also provides practical methods that cover multiple angles to help us manage our emotions, allowing us to be wiser and more tranquil.
【You will learn】
- Two main reasons for having the desire to criticize
- The different methods of controlling emotions
- A story about a traffic-jam conflict in Los Angeles
- A story about a fight between two dogs
【Featured aphorisms】
- No matter how distressing things become, learn to first “accept” what is happening; don’t let your emotions take over.
- A great achiever is not given to angry outbursts.
【Content】
(Hello, Master.) Hello. (My name is Shi Zeng.) Shi Zeng. (I would like to ask Master a question. I am often troubled over trivial matters. Then I lose control of my emotions.)
How many people have you killed?
(I haven’t, but I have scolded people.)
You scold others when you are unhappy. Who did you scold? Is it your family or friends? (All of them.) All of them. It proves you have good interpersonal relationships, or you wouldn’t have survived till now. If you belong to the underworld, you would dare not offend others arbitrarily. You would be dead for sure if you had done that.
Only ignorant people do that. Thus they do nothing but scold others. You will have to read more to develop your intelligence. You can’t understand why things don’t go your way. You feel others are against you, so you scold them. You lack confidence. Those who scold lack confidence. You need to read more. If you understand psychology, you won’t scold. You scold as you don’t have much knowledge.
You can manage your emotions if you have a sense of danger. You lose control because you don’t feel any danger. Look at the rich kids from the past. They were surrounded by poor kids. These rich kids often scolded and hit the poor ones. The poor kids dared not retaliate. The poor kids’ parents worked for the rich. If you were from a poor family, scolding then was dangerous. You wouldn’t have any friends. So how do we control our emotions? Do you feel any danger? I guess you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t have this question for me. (Now I feel it.)
Once we were on an expressway in Los Angeles. A car behind ours honked nonstop. We thought we had done something wrong, or maybe blocked his lane. But we didn’t. He simply kept honking. We thought he probably was reminding us of something. But that wasn’t it. He even gave a rude hand gesture when we turned to look at him. There were cars in front of our car. Our car could only move accordingly. He was very upset.
Someone said that he must be from another state. People from the local state don’t honk at others easily. Someone told a story that happened 4 years earlier. A car moved very slowly. A car behind honked. There weren’t many cars then. I guess the driver behind was in a hurry. He must have honked for 5 minutes. The driver in the front car got out of the car with a gun. He shot the driver who honked at him. It was in the headlines. From then on, no one honked even during traffic jams.
I think you must have scolded honest people. You have been ignorant; that is why you scold. You scold others, because you don’t have insight into matters. Say someone dislikes you. You don’t have any introspection. You are just angry with the situation. You always feel that others look down on you. So you scold as you lack confidence. Read more to gain confidence. If you understand psychology, you will stop scolding others.
First, learn to accept whatever happens. Don’t express your anger easily. I love dogs. Since young, I have had dogs as pets. I realized the ones that bark the loudest are always the most timid. As they were most timid, they barked. We thought they wanted to attack. In fact, they were scared. German Shepherd is ferocious. But I admire the German Shepherd.
Qinghai is next to Tibet. Once I saw a Tibetan mastiff. The Tibetan mastiff is a very strong dog. I had a skinny but handsome-looking German Shepherd. It resembled you. As my dog wasn’t a pure German Shepherd, it wasn’t as strong. It was skinny as it was a mixed breed. However, it was still a German Shepherd. I held onto the leash tightly. It was a very obedient dog. A German Shepherd is a working dog. It obeys owner’s commands.
I told my German Shepherd to stay. It wanted to retaliate when the Tibetan mastiff tried to attack it. It was going to start growling. It was subconsciously guarding itself. It wanted to lunge forward. I told my dog to be quiet. However, the Tibetan mastiff was provocative. I could only release the leash on my dog. I patted it and told it to calm down. It lay on the ground without moving. It didn’t show any expression.
Some silly dogs bark before attacking. They look ferocious too. My German Shepherd looked calm. It lay on the ground quietly, but its eyes were on the Tibetan mastiff. The big Tibetan mastiff resembled a strong young lion. It came near my German Shepherd and suddenly attacked it. It happened right in front of me. Just as the Tibetan mastiff attacked, my German Shepherd instantly grabbed it by the neck. My German Shepherd easily beat the Tibetan mastiff to the ground. It remained calm and quiet throughout.
To be blindly impulsive is foolish. One who can’t control their emotions is deranged. Those who lose their tempers easily can’t achieve great success. Those who achieve great success don’t lose their tempers easily.