【Description】
Some say every breakup opens a new path to true love and prepares one for future encounters. But, when true love does arrive, will you be able to hold on to your beloved? How can we go from love to marriage smoothly, and make the marriage harmonious and fulfilling?
Let’s listen to Grandmaster JinBodhi’s advice. We wish you the best in your romantic relationship.
【You will learn】
- How to recover from a breakup
- How to sustain a romantic relationship/marriage
- The story of a nitpicking husband
【Content】
How do we quickly recover from a breakup? Just look for another partner. Out with the old, in with the new. Then, you will forget the old. That is it, right? Exercise more. Catch a few movies. We live in a fast and disposable culture. Breakups are common. It will be OK once you get used to it. After going through 70 or 80 breakups, you will be used to it. Nobody’s used to it the first time around.
But if you are wise, think about how to avoid a breakup. This is the right path. Do you know how to avoid breakups? (Don’t get into relationships.) Ah. Don’t get into relationships. Not getting into relationships is like an eternal breakup. You need to learn how to maintain the romance in a relationship. Some relationships are doomed from the beginning. Hence, one party breaks up with the other. One finds the other’s behavior unacceptable.
Being in a romantic relationship or marriage is a form of cultivation. Do people find this funny? Most of you don’t find this funny anymore. You go from a rebel to a person who negotiates and cooperates to care for another. A single person thinks only of himself. As long as I have eaten, it is good. As long as I am full, it is good. As long as I get it, it is good. Everything revolves around one’s own gain and loss.
As long as I like this food, I am happy. I like to sleep with the lights on. It is fine, because I like it. I can pay the electricity bill. It is none of your business. I sleep in a padded jacket. I wear cotton long johns in the shower. What is it to you? As long as I am on my own, it is nobody else’s business, right? I eat with a face mask on. What is it to you? It is nobody else’s business. You are single and it is only up to you. Smash your rice bowl if you feel like it.
When you are in a relationship or married, I think it is about learning cooperation. Learning to take care of another’s feelings. Only then can we be in a serious relationship or marriage and maintain it for a few years. You would have to at least be able to take care of another’s feelings in order to maintain the relationship or marriage. In a relationship or marriage, some are overly self-centered and inflexible; they fail to take care of others.
I have met such people before. Being overly selfish leads to chronic self-centeredness. Being overly self-centered turns one into a petty person. Hence, throughout the relationship, it is a process of mutual understanding and adaptation. If you don’t take care of others, your relationship will not last. You will be unable to get married. Thus, relationship and marriage entail taking care of each other’s feelings and caring for and showing concern for each other. Only then can marriage and staying together happen. When a person is too selfish, a marriage won’t last.
Hence, for our online friend’s question: How should he recover from his first breakup? You will recover from it, and you will fall in love again. How do you adapt yourself in a love relationship? This is my slogan: Learn to take care of each other. Don’t be too selfish.
I once met a female Bodhi practitioner. Mention of her husband nauseated her. I asked, “Why the extreme reaction?” They fought in the middle of the night and came to my door. They asked me to step in and tell them what to do. After getting to know the situation, I talked to them separately. I realized her husband did have his share of issues.
His wife is a Bodhi practitioner. After her workday as a manager, she wanted to be a good partner and make a nice meal. But her husband would say, “This won’t do. Too much water”, or “The stove is on too high”. When she did the laundry, he would say, “It is not clean.” She raged at him. “Go run an errand! Go buy something!” She sent him on an errand. When he returned, he said, “This dish is too bland. That vegetables are cut too chunky. That is too salty. The table isn’t wiped clean. There are smudges on the bowl.” Furious, she said, “Are you looking for a fight?”
They fought and came to ask me to be judge and jury. She thought I was the Lord of Hell. He talked to me for a while too. She said, “See. I cook for him, yet he picks on me.” He said, “She doesn’t cook well but wants to show off. I suggest anything and she gets upset. Master, what should I do?” I said, “Get a divorce. Your wife tried to show off her cooking, but you picked on her. She was only being a good partner. But you still picked on her, right? Your cooking is inedible. It tastes awful. You think you’re showing concern for your wife. But too much is spitefulness. You never worry about big issues in your household. Laundry and cooking are all you care about. So, your wife got fed up.”
Regarding marriage in general, it is a process of mutual adaptation and taking care of each other. If you can’t do that, the marriage will not last. At least, the marriage will lack a great deal of happiness. Going through a breakup for the first time? I am afraid you will go through it 8 times. To succeed in your next relationship, please learn my slogan: Learn to take care of each other.